my name is Janos

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DUYlHZsZfc

in my life, i do know one thing is for sure. i want to be rich. 

i always thought being rich was so monetary in a sense. a lotta money = rich. but something struck me today. being rich isnt about money or even personal belongings. its how much you can give... i could be a poor man, with little money, but give someone something that is worth so much more than money. like friendship. love. hopefulness. passion. enrich those around me. give it to my family. give it to my friends. give it to the people who need it the most. i want to be rich. i want to make everyone rich. rich with happiness. 

i really cant comprehend what happened in the past couple of months. i always tell myself, 'janos you are such a damn hippie' and one day im going to wake up and go back to my normal self and this spiritual high will eventually wear off. but there is something burning inside of me. something that wants change. and i am giving in.... 

i've noticed there is so many 'wants' in my life right now. but for ONCE in my entire fucking life... these 'wants' are almost 'needs'... I NEED TO BE RICH. its not even a decision anymore. i need/am acting on what i need to do. 

and i honestly dont need money to be happy.  i can move to africa tomorrow and be "rich" over there. but the realist janos is saying 'bro you need money' and for now i agree (not to sound to contradicting) and maybe i need to figure out the checks and balances of a realistic georgian suburban life style vs being 'rich'. just that there's so so so much i dont know yet. and so much i will never figure out. i just pray im going towards something bigger than myself... 

i read back at some of my old posts from time to time, and i have no idea what i am saying or what point im trying to get across, and this may be the same. but i do know how i feel.